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Wed, 02 Dec 2009:

You get to say no last goodbyes.

One cold december evening, I walked into a house of wailing to see my dad in a casket, laid out in the living room. If I could call it a living room anymore. And I couldn't even cry. Not while things were left to be done, people left to be comforted and a pair of large shoes to be filled, before I could truly mourn.

I cried into my pillow all night. I told myself that I wouldn't. But as the waves of sorrow came crashing down, I just couldn't help myself. I told myself that I had to be brave, I had to be strong, that now more than ever, I am a man.

The years have passed but, every december 2nd, I turn into that weak kneed young boy. Feels like it was yesterday. And I cry.

And I cry. For all that I've left unsaid. Respect, love and my last goodbye.

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come, must give us pause:
there's the respect that makes calamity of so long life;
                -- Shakespeare, "Hamlet"

posted at: 22:33 | path: /me | permalink | Tags: , ,