The LCA submissions have been rated, reviewed and the letters sent out. And it shouldn't come as a very big surprise that my talk hasn't been selected - here's to all those who said "Yeah right, save your talks for real conferences". I can't honestly say that I'm not disappointed, mainly because there is no point in talking about libjit in 2008 - it would have crossed over the bump into old & busted. And I'm definitely not going to submit a talk to conference which I haven't attended - I'm too fragile to go through an audience mismatch again.
But on the other hand, it is a testament to the quality of conference. if my talks aren't good enough, that sure is a conference which I shouldn't miss - which brings me to the real reason why I'm depressed right now.
My LCA 2006 trip in total cost around 1.4 Lakhs (~3200 USD) - of which dotgnu chipped in 1700 USD, Yahoo! chipped in 600 USD and I pulled the rest of the ~1000 USD. But this year, I see no reason for DotGNU to pay anything, because most of my efforts have gone into APC rather than the usual creative energy vented out on dotgnu. Since I have switched teams & manager, I think Yahoo! will wash hands clean, especially after what happened to spo0nman.
Since I'm not getting a raise this year, despite complaints, I don't think I can build a slush fund to fulfil the extra ~2000 USD (7 months' savings) - but even for the 1000 USD part, I'll probably have to give up a few luxuries. There's a bit of me that says I should be more optimistic, but deep inside me I know why I'm not.--
Disappointment leaves a scar which ultimate fulfillment never entirely removes.
-- Thomas Hardy